I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
