Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
