so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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