Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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