She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
