So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
