this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
