True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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