please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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