I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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