so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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