your room smells of hookers.
And success
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
