Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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