why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Terrible idea I love it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
