hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
