I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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