There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
