Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
