We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
