This is not my ceiling
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize