I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
