And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
