Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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