Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
