He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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