An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
