I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
