'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize