my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
