So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
