All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
