Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
