I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
