Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
