The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
