You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
