I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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