I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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