I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize