I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
