This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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