yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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