I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
