I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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