I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
