so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
