please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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