Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
