If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
