2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She announced her abortion via fbk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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