I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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