Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
