We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
