im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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