I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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