do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
please don't ironically join a cult
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