Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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