Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
