If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
