thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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