Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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