I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
