I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
