I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
