Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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