Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
