Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
