i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
