It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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