I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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