He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
