I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
