I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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