that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
